Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Thank you for the English language

So today I had one of the worse days in a long time. Care to share? Yes thank you for asking!

This morning I was finishing that paper that I was ranting about last night. I realized that I needed to have the paper mailed back to me after it was graded so I called the teach to see how she wanted me to go about giving her the proper envelope. She stated that I should just pick up the paper next week during the last quiz. I said, "I am not taking the last quiz because I am happy with my grade after the first three" she went on to ask why I would purposely lower my grade, I said "Im not, the test is optional and since we are dropping the lowest grade of the 4 and I want to just stick with my first three." She goes on to explain that quiz 4 is not optional. here is how this all went wrong.

I originally remember her saying that on December 13th we will be taking our 4th and final optional exam.

I heard 4th and final optional exam like =4th optional exam

She meant 4th and final optional exam like = (4 exam) then a separate (final exam *optional)

Okay so I have been to 1/2 of 1 class of the last 3 classes that apply for this exam.

Because of this change of plans I cancel my work meeting and went to class today to attend the 4th and last quiz that applies for the quiz. However, before doing so I go through a couple of stages:

1. Panic- Everything that could potentially go wrong because of this races through my head and my body begins to shake and go numb.

2. Anger- I begin to yell and get upset with myself in a house alone because I didn't pay attention to details and I am angry on myself. Unfortunatly I was still angry when my finance called. (thank God I have a wonderful understanding fiance who is my best friend and was there for me at a frustrating time)

3. Sadness- I begin to feel sorry for myself because I thought today was the last day I had to worry about this class and now I could relax and focus on one more project that is due next week and begin to have a semi normal week for the first time in a month. (this is the most pathedic stage of them all).

4. Whatever Stage- This is the stage that I am in currently, I finally realized that I am a professional student and I can do it. I may need help from many people like my fiance and that nice girl in class that let me photocopy her notes out of her binder with the profs permission. But it is possible.

Then a friend posts something on my last post that I wish I would have read during all of this, it would have helped.

So I begin to feel better as I drive to a small groups meeting that I am leading in the ministry that I work in.

Then something else happens......

The other person I run this ministry with was sick and called in a good friend of mine to come by and help get things started because on Wednesdays I come in late due to class. He did an amazing job getting the guys together having fun playing games. When it came time to turn it over to me I was suppose to lead us in some wisdom. I was suppose to teach on Discipleship.

Now I am usually okay at teaching to my audience that I often times have to teach to. But something happened tonight that caused me to draw blanks and choke up what I wanted to say. It was quite strange. I went off on some analogy that left those still awake confused. Then my good friend speaks up and offers his analogy (thank goodness) and he tells it for a while and does such a wonderful job making what I wanted to teach sound so simple and easy. But that was the thing is it didn't seem that easy to say. I was left with some questions about myself tonight.

But when it all came down to it my questions were answered by this:

I still am relying on myself way too much in life. I do not give God the credit and I do not ask God for help. I do not surrender to God nor do I give God proper praise. And since I am a man of the Christian faith and I proclaim to be a follower of Christ I need to begin doing this.

maybe once I work on this some more, everything else will begin to fall into place again.

I wanted to teach about Discipleship. Which is like playing a sport and having a coach along side to teach you how to play the game. Maybe I need a coach that I can meet with more often.

Anyways...two nights/two rants


Music: Sufjan Stevens
Book: Acts 9

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