Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Do what you will.

I was driving down the road the other day and a thought started to process through my head. Recently I have discovered how powerful fear is in people's lives. It is amazing how much power fear has over someone. In the last couple of years fear has done this to myself. And I think I have discovered the true root of this problem and how it originally entered into my life.

Fear is something that is learned. I do not know that we are born with fear. It wasn't until I was 20 years of age that real fear started to enter my life. Previous to this I believe the reason that I was not overcome with fear is because I thought I was invincable. I flew, and rode the zipper at the fair 12 times in a row when I had a dizzy pass, I could care less about my future because that was my future and not today, and I simply lived on the edge.

Now I have a fear of flying, I don't ride on the zipper anymore because I am convinced that the machine will break, I worry about tomorrow before living today, and I am living in a padded room. And what did it take for me to realize this in its fullest...driving behind a 1982 Cadillac. Usually when a old Cadillac going 15 in a 35 speed limit zone is in front of me I begin to do something stupid like tailgate the person or honk furiously. But today I just drove behind them patiently.

I started to realize that I was not in a hurry and then it hit me, neither are they. Maybe the reason why many "old people" drive slow is because they are afriad of crashing and as they get older they begin to think about fear and death even more. Now I know this is a bit of a streach and they could have just been lost, but it works for me. But if that is true, then I don't want to be like that. I don't want to hide behind fear. I don't want to worry about money, and if a plane will crash or if I am capable of supporting a family right now. I just want to jump...I want to be able to jump. And at the same time I want to humble myself and cry out to the Lord, "do what you will."

I don't believe God ever intended for us to live in fear. Yet often times many of us do it every single day whether we realize it or not. Something that my College and Career leader always tells us is that people often follow through with doing something that involves some risk until they get to the last step which is to act. It is like going sky diving and deciding in the plane right before you jump that you want to go back. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to jump.

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

Romans 8:15

-Kevin M.K.


Tim said...

You no longer ride the zipper? Shame.

Wept_over said...

Sometimes fear is good. Proverbs says that "faer of the LORD is beginning of wisdom". It's not that fear is bad so much as the object of our fears...

Wept_over said...

"Faer"? Good one, spell champ. Good one.